Sunday, October 05, 2014

What?

Her:"Do you know what?"
Me:"No. I know who and why, but I hear what is an asshole."

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

And I thought smoking was expensive....

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Everything You Don’t Know About Tipping

Just in case you wanted to know everything you don't know about tipping check out this article from waitbutwhy.com.

Take two bags...

Him (Interrupting someone else's order):I want a Captain and Coke..
Me: I want a million dollars.(I return to taking the other people's order)
Him: Is that your way of telling me you are not gonna serve me?
Me: It's my way of saying eat a bag of dicks but in a much nicer way.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Life Lessons

You are a grown-ass man with a faux-hawk ordering red-bull and vodka with grenadine. What fucking life-altering piece of advice could you possibly give me?


Here is your daily dose of Rouse's goodness:

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Bad pick-up line

Last night a girl told me this gem that a guy tried to use on her earlier. "Hey, I've got ground beef in my backpack. Wanna come over and cook it for me?"

Friday, March 14, 2014

A Drinking Problem

This story happened a while back but I just thought about it recently so I thought I would share. A woman came in and ordered a "Voka Cranburry" (not a typo). I had been busy that evening and ran out of straws. I made her drink and apologized for the lack of a straw. She looked at me with the most confused look on her face and asked "How My 'posed to drank it?". "Maybe you can lay down on your back and have someone pour it in your mouth" was my reply.

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Mardi Gras 2014


******THE STUPIDEST QUESTION AWARD FOR MARDI GRAS 2014******
This guy comes up to the bar in super frantic mode.(Keep in mind I'm 3 deep at the bar and by myself). With a wild look of desperation he asks me "Hey man, you got a hammer?". Of course my reply was no.


+++++++++++++++++Honorable Mentions+++++++++++++++++
"Can I just have an ice water?"
"Four shots of Turkey. Can I get those in snifters?"
"What kind of mixed drinks you got?"
"Can you call me a cab?"
"Do you take credit cards?"(There are at least a dozen CASH ONLY signs plastered everywhere)
"Why aren't you smiling?"
"What should I drink? (and/or) What (would/do you) drink?


I really didn't have to be too mean this Mardi Gras but there were a few times I had to unload, here it goes:

***THE MEANEST THING I SAID TO SOMEONE DURING MARDI GRAS 2014***
"Were you born a cunt or did that happen after your uncle stopped touching you?"


+++++++++++++++++Honorable Mentions+++++++++++++++++
"I don't give a fuck what the sign says,it's eight dollars, I don't have time to negotiate prices with you! Next!"

Also,there was a group of annoying French guys that were not tipping. I was having a really hard time understanding what the fuck they were saying. So here is one conversation the best I can remember:
Him-"Parlay vous vous misa misa Kamal"
Me-"What?"
Him-"Blah Blah french sounding shit...Kamal sigarette"
Me-"I have Camel Blue or Marlboro Reds"
Him-"Something something weewee ze no Kamal"
Me-"Dude, I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH!"
Him-"I am speaking ze good English wiz zoo."
After finally figuring out what kind of cigarette this asshole wants, I turn to a friend of mine who was sitting at the bar next to this guy and say loud enough for the French fucker to hear; "Man, the French really are the niggers of Europe!"
(My apology for the use of the "N-Word" I don't usually use the word but I really felt it was appropriate at the time.)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Why I never answer the phone....

I usually never answer the business phone when I am working because it is never important. It is usually someone asking stupid questions, the wrong number, or in the early morning someone who has something very urgent to speak to the owner about but not urgent enough to leave a name a number to call back.
So last night the phone rings at work about 3 A.M. I am pretty slow and kind of bored so I answer it.

Him: Uh yeah, I was calling 'cause I knew you guy were open 24 hours...
Me: Okaaaayyy.....
Him: Yeah, I was wondering if you knew of a bar called the Stil.(Not sure if this was the actual name but that's what it sounded like)
Me: Uhhhhh
Him: Yeah it's spelled S T I L.
Me: Never heard of it
Him: Okay, Thanks. (Hangs up)



WTF?

Sunday, February 09, 2014

Partial conversation overheard at bar

Man... I broke my tooth on that bitch's ass....

The Spoils Of Comic Con 2014


CASSANDRA PETERSON (A.K.A. Elvira)
Cassandra Peterson was one of my favorites at Comic Con. Elvira is smoking hot but honestly Cassandra with out the make-up is even more bewitching.

PAM GRIER
Pam Grier was a sweetheart and still smoking hot. She had a terrific smile and a terrifying look in her eye that said "I will cut you". I opted not to ask her to touch her boobs. She noticed my Cockface Killer hoodie and read the "No Sex Is Safe Sex" slogan on it. I explained it was a horror comedy sexploitation movie. Her eyes lit up a little and she said sexploitation movies were good. She also thanked me for supporting independent film.



ROBERT ENGLUND
Robert Englund is Freddy no matter who they try to replace him with. Robert seemed nice and all but had little time for small talk. He didn't seem like he wanted to be there at all. Clearly he has been working the convention circuit way too long and has better thing to do. He seemed to keep looking at his watch every few seconds.


ROB GUILLORY
Rob is a down to earth artist from Lafayette, Louisiana for one of my favorite comics, CHEW. Chew is one of the most unique non-superhero comics out there. BUY THESE BOOKS! I promise you will not be disappointed...



NEAL ADAMS
Chances are if you have ever read a comic from DC or Marvel you have probably held some Neal Adams art in your grubby little hands. From Batman to X-Men Neal has defined comic art since I was a kid. I got a couple of cool prints which he signed for me. He seemed a little confused on why the Mr.T prints kept selling...I pity the fool!

Saturday, February 08, 2014

Ciroc

Her: You ain't got no Ciroc?
Me: Yes and no
Her: What you mean?
Me: I wasn't sure if you were making a statement or asking a question. If you were stating that I "ain't got no Ciroc" you are correct. If that clusterfuck of a sentence was a question, then no I "ain't go no Ciroc".
Her: So no Ciroc?
Me: Nope
Her: But I only drank Ciroc....

Friday, February 07, 2014

Why trying to make small talk is pointless sometimes....

Me:How are you tonight?
Him:Budweiser
Me:Yeah, I was feeling a little Coors Light earlier but now I'm like Miller Time...What can I get for you?
Him:Budweiser

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Jukeboxes suck

Best Tip Never!

Saturday, February 01, 2014

What's Happenin' Captain?

Him: Let me get a Captain Jack and Coke.
Me:A what?
Him:Captain Jack and Coke..
Me:So you want Captain Morgan, with Jack Daniels and Coke.
Him:No,just Captain Jack and Coke.
Me:I don't have anything called Captain Jack. Do you mean Captain Morgan?
Him: Yeah that..

Photo by:Gage Skidmore

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Dat green beer...

Him-"Gimmie a Rock-N-Roll"
Me-"You wanna play Led Zeppelin or something the jukebox is over there."
Him-"Huh? No, gimme a Rock-N-Roll in a bottle."
Me-"I'm sure the jukebox has the Police. Message in a Bottle...they play it all the time..."
Him-"Naw man, that beer in the green bottle.."
Me-"Oh!",Acting suprised,"You mean Rolling Rock?"
Him-"Yeah! That one!"

I agree....

Yeah this happened....

A guy came in with two chicks and ordered a few drinks. He lays down a five dollar tip. I am busy and can't scoop it up quick enough. His girlfriend picks up the five and after a short discussion the five is replaced with two singles.