Monday, March 31, 2014

Thanks Earlisha

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Today's rouse's goodness


Why is it that there always has to be that one guy that wants to talk loudly to everyone and no one in particular about nothing?

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Life Lessons

You are a grown-ass man with a faux-hawk ordering red-bull and vodka with grenadine. What fucking life-altering piece of advice could you possibly give me?

Here is your daily dose of Rouse's goodness:

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Bad pick-up line

Last night a girl told me this gem that a guy tried to use on her earlier. "Hey, I've got ground beef in my backpack. Wanna come over and cook it for me?"

Friday, March 14, 2014

A Drinking Problem

This story happened a while back but I just thought about it recently so I thought I would share. A woman came in and ordered a "Voka Cranburry" (not a typo). I had been busy that evening and ran out of straws. I made her drink and apologized for the lack of a straw. She looked at me with the most confused look on her face and asked "How My 'posed to drank it?". "Maybe you can lay down on your back and have someone pour it in your mouth" was my reply.

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Mardi Gras 2014

This guy comes up to the bar in super frantic mode.(Keep in mind I'm 3 deep at the bar and by myself). With a wild look of desperation he asks me "Hey man, you got a hammer?". Of course my reply was no.

+++++++++++++++++Honorable Mentions+++++++++++++++++
"Can I just have an ice water?"
"Four shots of Turkey. Can I get those in snifters?"
"What kind of mixed drinks you got?"
"Can you call me a cab?"
"Do you take credit cards?"(There are at least a dozen CASH ONLY signs plastered everywhere)
"Why aren't you smiling?"
"What should I drink? (and/or) What (would/do you) drink?

I really didn't have to be too mean this Mardi Gras but there were a few times I had to unload, here it goes:

"Were you born a cunt or did that happen after your uncle stopped touching you?"

+++++++++++++++++Honorable Mentions+++++++++++++++++
"I don't give a fuck what the sign says,it's eight dollars, I don't have time to negotiate prices with you! Next!"

Also,there was a group of annoying French guys that were not tipping. I was having a really hard time understanding what the fuck they were saying. So here is one conversation the best I can remember:
Him-"Parlay vous vous misa misa Kamal"
Him-"Blah Blah french sounding shit...Kamal sigarette"
Me-"I have Camel Blue or Marlboro Reds"
Him-"Something something weewee ze no Kamal"
Him-"I am speaking ze good English wiz zoo."
After finally figuring out what kind of cigarette this asshole wants, I turn to a friend of mine who was sitting at the bar next to this guy and say loud enough for the French fucker to hear; "Man, the French really are the niggers of Europe!"
(My apology for the use of the "N-Word" I don't usually use the word but I really felt it was appropriate at the time.)