Saturday, July 09, 2005

Depressing Drunks

As a graveyard shift bartender most of the people I encounter are out partying and having a good time. However, I do work one day shift a week(9am-5pm) and my graveyard shifts run into the early morning hours. Let me first lay out a 24 hour timeframe of the customers of my bar:

7:00am-3:00pm-This is usually the most depressing time in the bar.(I will describe this further later in this post)The exception is between 11:30am-1:00pm where I may have a few tourists or people stopping in for a lunchtime cocktail.

3:00pm-7:00pm-Mainly people getting off work. A happy hour of sorts.

7:00pm-10:00pm-A little slow time with a few stragglers. Maybe a few people getting ready to kick off their night.

10:00pm-3:00am-The general busy time.Good times start rolling. Lots of socializing. No one is very wasted yet at this point.Only about a 20% chance of a fight breaking out.

3:00am-5:00am-The fun starts....Service industry(which I am very happy to see), drunks and people who have gotten kicked out of other bars, people who are too intoxicated to be in public, people looking to buy/sell drugs.This is also the time of night when the girls get fewer and fewer leaving sexually frustrated guys trying to figure out what to do with themselves if there are any females in the bar everyone of these idiots will think they are going home with her. Can't a girl or girls just have a drink without every guy thinking she's looking to go home with one of them. Maybe they just want to relax and enjoy a drink and not have to deal with fending off guys trying to pick them up. (I could get into the pick-up lines but that's a whole different post.) Needless to say this tends to chase the pretty young girls out of the bar which sucks for me.This is also the time of night when there is passing out,puking, pissing, destruction of property, and fighting. Chances of a fight 70%.

5:00am-7:00am-This is a sad time as well..There may be a few service industry stragglers but mostly pathetic guys looking for more drugs or drunk girls to take home or both.Usually extremely coked up or coming down. Hoping that some female is around drunk enough to say yes. Usually a very dead period. The predators usually don't stick around too long once they figure out that it's 6:30 in the morning and they just need to hang it up. Some of them actually think that it might be better at some other bar (but it probably isn't) and leave to go there next.Chance of a fight 40%.

Okay now that I got that out of the way I'd like to talk about the dreaded DAY SHIFT. This is the time of day which just makes me sick to my stomach. Mostly old men(usually not very healthy looking old men) rolling out of bed with the shakes and coming straight to the bar. These guys do it every day. The same shit. I try asking them "why don't you get a hobby or something". It's like I am there watching these guys waiting to die. They wake up and start drinking till they pass out then wake up and do it again. They have nothing in their life except to drink. Mostly beer drinkers with very little or no money.
I feel like a babysitter for the walking dead. Most of them have no friends and are mean old bastards. Sometimes I wish they would just hurry up and die but mostly I wish they would do something fufilling with the little bit of time they have left here on earth. I mean I hope when I am their age I have a hell of a viagra addiction and I am chasing tail at the retirement home. It's frustrating watching these guys who aren't making me any money drinking Milwalkees Best Light and Coors Light. Coughing like they got jello in their lungs.I mean it would be one thing if they were having a good time and socializing and shit. Instead they just sit there looking miserable with their beer.

Alright I just had to get that off my chest...sorry for ramblin on....
Without further ado I bring you:


#####SATAN'S REVENGE######


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