Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Hey man, Nice shirt!



People are always complimenting me on my T-shirt or my hat. To me it just seems kinda silly. I don’t really know how to respond to these compliments. Usually at least once a night someone will say “hey, Nice shirt!” or “I Like that hat!”.Should I say “Thank you I’ve been dressing myself for a while now” or “yeah I bought it this way.” ? I mean what are they actually complimenting? The shirt? My fashion sense? I didn’t make the damn thing. To me it’s just something I threw on. I wasn’t really looking for anyone’s approval.
So I was at work tonight and I really had to piss. I finally got a free second and made a break for the john. Just as I am reaching out for the door some guy taps my shoulder and starts giving me a drink order. Then he tells me no big rush, when I get a chance. Couldn't he fucking wait till I got back behind the bar if it was no big rush? Jeezus let a guy take a whiz. So then I get in the mens room and there is some other retard that thinks I want to have a conversation while I am taking a leak. For the record when my feet are squishing around in piss, puke and god knows what else in a room that smells worse than a port-o-let thats been baking in the sun for a month and I am holding my dick in my hand pissing into a metal trough, having a conversation with the moron standing next to me is the last thing I want to do. To top it off the fucktard actually asks me to get him a beer when I get back to the bar. I really just wanted to turn to the side and piss on his leg. Then maybe, just maybe he might realize that I am not behind the bar at that moment but that I AM TAKING A PISS!

Monday, October 23, 2006

I need a vacation!


I am so beat. I feel like I am being lazy but I am just exhausted. Sometimes these night shifts just take everything out of me. I don't start feeling awake until about 2 or 3 in the morning but by 9 am I am out of it. I'm kinda bummed out that Halloween falls on a night that I work. Halloween is my favorite holiday. Everything fun is happening during the weekend when I work. Everyone is asking me what I am gonna dress up as but it is a pain in the ass to dress up when ya gotta work. A mask is too hot and make-up would just be everywhere about an hour in to working.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Funny How Things Change



The Saints beat the Eagles? The sportscasters are now changing their tone. The Saints are for real. That's funny after hearing at the beginning of the season that we would be in last place; lucky if we even got 5 wins all season. They are all waiting for the bottom to fall out from under the Saints. Well it ain't gonna happen. Most of us in New Orleans knew we had something special. New coach, excellent draft pick, great trades and free agent acquisitions, and weeding out some of the guys who just didn't fit on the team. Now I am not saying we are going to the bowl, but we have just as much of a chance as anyone. I guess what I am saying is that we have been grossly underestimated by the media.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Aww Shit!


So this morning I took of my shorts and threw them on the floor before I went to sleep. I woke up half awake tonight and threw my shorts on to go to the kitchen to get a drink to flush the corpse that died in my mouth out. As I am putting on my shorts I noticed something sticky and wet on my leg. The bastard dog above had decided to shit in my shorts! It wasn't like turds either. It was the damn runny stuff. Talk about a shitty way to start your day.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Halloween is getting closer



Halloween is my favorite holiday. Unfortunately I am pretty sure I am working that night. so now I am not sure what I am gonna do. Probably nothing. It's kinda hard to work dressed up as it gets pretty hot behind the bar. Even if I wear make-up it will more than likely be smeared halfway through my shift.
Anyways I think I will go to House Of Shock at some point. It's a New Orleans Halloween tradition. I do however miss the Mermaid Lounge. They almost always had the best show on Halloween night. In fact there were very few times that I would go to The Mermaid except on Halloween night.
Speaking of the music scene here in New Orleans; I miss the good old days. Yeah there are plenty of local bands that still play here. I mean you have your New Orleans staples: The Meters, The Radiators, Rebirth, Neville Brothers, and Galactic. The local rock/metal/punk scene still has it's staples too: Eyehategod, Pallbearers, Spickle, Suplecs, and Hawg Jaw. Most of these guys have been around on the scene for a long time in one band or another. The problem is getting the bigger named bands here.
Since Tipitina's went the way of only booking local staples and jam bands, and Twiropa is history; That leaves House of Blues and One Eyed Jack's to book the named bands. I have seen some of the best shows in my life at Tipitina's. Bad Brains, Helmet, the Melvins, Butthole Surfers, and GWAR just to name a few. Everybody used to play Tip's Marilyn Manson even played there. Okay so Tip's lost it's way but how in the hell do you lose P-Funk? Okay so then there is House of Blues who had to create a second venue, The Parish, to accommodate the bands Tipitina's was not booking. I detest House of Blues but if you wanna see bands like Ministry, Helmet, Celtic Frost, Slayer, or any good hip-hop shows this is probably where you'll end up going. By the way when House of Blues started they had some support for the local bands. They used to have a night (maybe Monday) that was for the local bands to come in and play. As for the other venues One Eyed Jack's, Howlin Wolf, Republic, and the Venue they can all do better. One Eyed Jacks has some love for the local set and they do bring in some of the indie/underground bands but looking at this months schedule it looks more like a summer schedule. Howlin Wolf can be very unpredictable but then pull a Hank III show outta their ass. I like the Wolf but I think they can do more. Republic and the Venue have potential to push the envelope further with some good hip-hop shows.
I have one more thing to bitch about Voodoo Fest. This year has got to be the weakest line-up for this 2 day event I have ever seen. Even last year when this city was in complete shambles the line-up was better. This year to main draws are supposed to be The Red Hot Chili Peppers and Duran Duran? How is that supposed to compare to some of the past line ups? Queens Of The Stone Age, The Stooges (yes the Motherfucking STOOGES with Iggy Pop),Perfect Circle, Mos Def, De La Soul, Eminem, Snoop Dog, and the Pixies. This year it's seems like they just took who ever they could get. Okay they got Social Distortion, Wu Tang, and the Flaming Lips but Voodoo should be bigger than that. Why not book Iron Maiden, A.F.I., Radiohead, Deftones, Bad Religion, The Mars Volta, Primus, Outkast, Beastie Boys, or even have the Gorillaz come do their thing. I mean get some powerhouse names in there. Some bands that people will actually travel here to see.
Alright I guess I am done bitchin for now.......



Saturday, October 07, 2006

So Fresh, So Clean



The Graveyard was looking kinda sloppy so I have reformatted it. Thanks to Firdamatic for the template. Gotta go to work soon so this post is ultra brief.
Peace

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Buddha and The Butterfly

This was a butterfly that was attacked by one of our cats. The injured butterfly took refuge on our Buddha statue. I came back later and the critter was gone. Maybe the cats got to it again.

So I am pretty excited. Today I purchased a Sony Alpha. This is Sony's first ever digital SLR camera. It's pretty awesome! I can't wait to start taking pictures. I was playing with it in my room a little today. I took a picture of my CD shelf from across the room. I COULD ACTUALLY READ THE TITLES ON THE SPINES OF THE CDs! Anyways I will be sharing some photos with you soon.




******EVIL SHOT OF THE DAY*****
+++++A Piece of Ass+++++
1 shot Amaretto
1 shot Southern Comfort
Pour over ice. Strain.Top off with Sour mix.



What I'm Listening to:






Monday, October 02, 2006

Why do crackheads live forever??

I just would like to know how much crack it takes to kill a crackhead. I mean seriously I think I would save up enough to help them get there. Is there a crack pipe in heaven? (I think that was a 2 Pac song). I am gettin fed up with it. I love when they come in to the bar and order a Gin and Jews and pay with a handful of change they just bummed off people. Is dirty ratty money a prerequisite for being a crackhead? Does your single dollar bill have to be almost unrecognizable? How green or black can that handful of nickels be? Do you really think you are that important that I should stop serving the customer I am with to give you a "solid quarter" for your handful of pennies? Sorry all I have is liquid quarters, all out of the solid ones. Just keep giving me that 3 tooth smile. I want to invent a new crack. One that I will promote as the greatest high ever. 1 hit and you die. I think that might solve a lot of problems.
"Hey man try this out.."
"What that is?"
"Aw man this that soopa crack..."
"Aw shit, lemme git somma dat"
"cough,cough, CROAK!"
"Damn! This crack is da bomb!"

Maybe I should just wish that the crackheads switch to Heroin. Then they would be too laid out to come in and bother people.






*****EVIL SHOT OF THE DAY*****
+++++THE CRACKHEAD+++++
1/4 GIN (The Cheaper The Better)
1/4 Vodka(Again the cheaper the better)
1/4 Shot of Milwalkees Best Beer
1/4 Cranberry Juice
A splash of run-off from your spill mat

Serve warm.




What I Am Listening to:







Sunday, October 01, 2006

Not dead yet

Well I haven't passed away from the miserable tooth. I went to the emergency room yesterday just to get a script for antibiotics. An expensive trip I am sure. I told the doctor I wasn't feeling any pain but he prescribed me Vicodan anyways. I worked last night even though I was exhausted. I pretty much got my ass kicked all night. I am sure tonight will be kinda boring but at least I'll have a few cool people to keep me company. More later......

Saturday, September 30, 2006

This toothache is gonna kill me

It started with a little pain. Not too bad at first. A little bit annoying by evening. I took so ibuprofren and went to sleep early. I woke up around 2 A.M. feeling a little swollen. I looked in the mirror and almost passed out. My upper lip was like 10 times it's normal size. Remember Eddie Murphy's lips in the Nutty Professor? My lip looked like that with out CGI effects. The whole side of my face was swollen. Half of my nose was swollen shut and my eye was almost swollen shut. I had a bit of a fever and I slept on and off for the next 8 hours or so. I tried going to a dentist but apparently that is impossible on a Friday afternoon. I didn't want to sit in an emergency room forever so I sucked it up and have been dealing with it the best I can. Some of the swelling has gone down at least. There is still a bag under my eye but the swelling in my lips and around my nose has gone down a lot.
If I don't die of infection overnight and I am still swollen I will go to the ER tomorrow I guess. What a way to fuck up my day.


*****EVIL SHOT OF THE DAY*****
=====Alaskan Pipeline=====
1/2 shot Yukon Jack Canadian whisky
1/2 shot amaretto almond liqueur
ice
Pour over ice,strain into shot glass





Music To Soothe A Toothache:









Saturday, September 23, 2006

Sleepless


Jesus! My sleeping schedule has been switched up. For the last few days I have been waking up around 5 to 7 am. I usually don't go to sleep until 10 in the morning. Now I've gotta work at 1 am tonight and I woke up at 5:20 this morning. I think I'm gonna have a rough one tonight.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Today's Ranting

Okay so today I think I will let loose with a ration of rage. Yes I want to take on the stupids. Bring it on!
First let's start with driving around this fine city. Here are some rules that maybe everyone doesn't know (apparently).
The middle of the street is not for walking. See those crooked concrete slabs next to the street? They are not extensions of peoples yards. Those are sidewalks. Side WALKS. Get it? I promise I won't drive on them if you promise not to walk in the street. I know it seems kinda basic but why are you flipping me off when you are the one lost in the middle of the street. I could understand a lot more if you were 8 years old but you are an adult. Act like one or at least pretend.
Back to the middle of the street. Another rule is not to stop your vehicle in the path of traffic to have a conversation with someone. Why is it that I am always behind the asshole that decides the MIDDLE OF THE STREET is a great place to stop and chat with someone they see? See that place next to the curb? Pull over and talk as long as you want. I am always wishing I could hear the conversation that is so important that I have to sit and wait. I imagine it is something like this:

Say girl, Say girl!

Ooooh (insert name here) how you is?

I'm aight. Say how your mom-n-em?

She doin better now that she outta jail

Yo, you seen (Insert name here) round lately?

I herd he be hanging round them dudes on the corner


and so on....

Once again you give me the finger when I honk.


Another rule is when you are driving stop at the stop sign. The area to stop is slightly before the intersection. The middle of the intersection is not a very good place to stop. I think you are purposely trying to wreck my car. I stop even though I don't have a stop sign to let you go. Once again I get the finger or the look like I am the asshole here. I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY. No stop sign on my side. It's kinda hard for me to keep going when you are blocking the way.

Alright I am gonna stop ranting now. If I keep blowing off steam I may evaporate.




******EVIL SHOT OF THE DAY******
-----24K NIGHTMARE-----


1/2 oz Goldschlager
1/2 oz Jagermeister
1/2 oz Rumple Minze
1/2 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum

Build over ice. Strain into shot glass. Try not to cry.




What I am listening to:


The Mars Volta-AmputechtureKOOL KEITH-NOGATCO RD




FLICK PICK'S:



Lucky Number SlevenBRICKJennifer

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Hot Stuff!!!


What have they been drinking?? Probably today's not so evil shot of the day. There are a few ways to make this shot.
Here is mine:
********(NOT SO) EVIL SHOT OF THE DAY*********
__________GREEN SHIT________
Stoli Vanil
Malibu
Midori
Splash of pineapple juice

What I am Listening to:



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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Get off the damn floor you drunk!!!!






I dunno what it is about the floor that people seem to like so much.
I guess that's where it's at for some.

Pantsed!


I dunno know about you but I don't think I could ever be so fucked up that I wouldn't notice that someone pulled my pants down....

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Guess who's Back??

Yeah it's been a while but I am back in the N.O.L.A. I got the old job back.Hopefully I will have a my vehicle runnin soon and a place to stay but for now I am roughing it. Anyways it's damn good to be back. It's not perfect but it's home!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Evacuated!!!!

Well folks it has happened.Sort of I guess. The big’un in the the Big Easy. Here’s an account of my experience of the ordeal.

Thursday I saw this monster of a storm.I joked around cause I figured it would veer off one way or another.I have never left New Orleans for a hurricane before why start now? I always laughed at the people who drove 26 hours to Houston to escape a little wind and a few raindrops.

Friday was pretty much the same.I was asking people if they were staying or leaving. I was planning the “Hurricane Party”.I figured I’d be in New Orleans working anyways so lets get the people who are staying to come in.

Saturday my roommate left for Diamondhead Mississippi. I hope he’s alright. I told him I was staying in N.O. and also told him Diamondhead wasn’t a good idea. I think I told him he might as well stay here if he’s going to Diamondhead. He repleid with “ At least it’s not a bowl”.

Saturday Night I was still planning on staying.I worked from 1am-9am.The more I watched the news the sicker I felt. I had to get outta there. I got off work and decided I had to go. I packed a few things, grabbed my dog and headed out around 1pm Sunday. Keep in mind I had been awake since around 4:30-5pm Saturday. The news was saying go east to Florida cause there is very little traffic.I filled my tank up on Claiborne and jumped on I-10 east. I got right past the Elysian Feilds Exit before I hit GRIDLOCK! It took nearly an hour and a half to 2 hours just to get over the twin spans. On the road I heard a honk next to me and looked over to see Johnny B flippin me off. He asked where I was goin. I told him Florida. He told me they were going that way too with a caravan of people including Billy “The Dude” Hamilton from Le Bon Temp. I took us nearly 6 hours to get to Slidell where we found out that Mississippi had closed off I-10 east. They were diverting everyone north on I-59. Once on 59 we able to start doing the speed limit but it had started raining. The windshield wiper on my drivers side stopped working.I had to lean to the right to see out of passenger side. The collective caravan was starting to get low on gas. No gas to be found anywhere. We kept getting off on exits where everything was closed.Many pissed motorists stuck on these exits with no gas. A few exits had police telling everyone to get back on the road everything on this exit is closed. We finally got to Hattiesberg Mississippi on fumes. The first gas station we stopped at was closed but you could get gas with a credit card. No luck ...no one had a credit card. We found a gas station off the beaten path that had gas. There was a Sonic nearby where we grabbed some food.

We got back on the road as there were no hotels in Hattiesberg. we were told there was nothing available until Birmingham Alabama. We stopped at several exits along the way to seek shelter with no luck. around 6am I decided to pull our caravan off at Bessmer Alabama about 15 miles from Birmingham. We went to the Comfort Inn where the Comfort Cunt at the counter who was just extremely rude insisted there were no rooms. I called my stepdad who checked on the internet for me. The Motel 6 nearby had rooms! We shot over there and were told there were no vacancies right now but there should be some after noon. We reserved our rooms and sat in the parking lot from 6am until almost 1pm.

I got to my room,took a shower, watched some news about my poor city, and went to sleep. I had been awake for almost 48 hours. I woke up around 9pm. The power was out and the storm was brewin outside. The storm wasn’t too bad a lot of wind not some rain, no thunder or lightning. I played some PSP, watched a movie on my laptop, and slept on and off until about 8am when Johnny B knocked on my door. The hospital across the street had generators and were serving food in the cafeteria. I got up and went to go eat the worst and the best breakfast in my life. When we finished eating the power had been restored to our hotel and the surrounding area. i am at the Motel 6 in Bessmer Mississippi. If any of my peeps can call and lemme know if you are all right the number here is 205-426-9646 room 230.My cellphone isn’t working at all. I have been sending out text messages but I don’t know if anyone is gettin em.

What do I do next? I don’t know yet. From the news it sounds like we won’t be let back into LA for about a week. Also it sounds like no power for a while either; weeks maybe. Johnny B was able to get a hold of Joe Cosgrove(F&M’s). He said uptown is not too bad. Most is still standing. I may be headed to Florida and shack up with my Mom until it is safe to come back.

Well I will try ta keep ya posted.Please do the same for me.
Thanks and take care.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Yes I am a slacker!


Sorry it's been a while since I posted but things have been hectic.(And I am just plain lazy!).
Anyhow I'm still alive and kicking. Funny how I don't usually drink much but the other night I ended up at the bar until 10am.
Whew!

As a special treat for you guys I figured I'd give ya some fun links to check out as well as one of my favorite shots of the day!

######EVIL SHOT OF THE DAY######
******THE DIRTY SLUT*******

1/3 shot of JAGERMIESTER
1/3 shot of PEACHTREE
1/3 shot of CROWN ROYAL
Splash of cranberry juice

Shake over ice.Strain into shot glass. Try not to think of that evil ex-girlfriend of yours..

FUN LINKS:
Dual Guitar

BIG ASS TITTIES video(This is not porn..Funny ass video)

Zombie Pin-up Girls

Fake-a-wish Foundation

Chemical Brothers Game

Incredible Quarter Toss Video!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Depressing Drunks


As a graveyard shift bartender most of the people I encounter are out partying and having a good time. However, I do work one day shift a week(9am-5pm) and my graveyard shifts run into the early morning hours. Let me first lay out a 24 hour timeframe of the customers of my bar:

7:00am-3:00pm-This is usually the most depressing time in the bar.(I will describe this further later in this post)The exception is between 11:30am-1:00pm where I may have a few tourists or people stopping in for a lunchtime cocktail.


3:00pm-7:00pm-Mainly people getting off work. A happy hour of sorts.

7:00pm-10:00pm-A little slow time with a few stragglers. Maybe a few people getting ready to kick off their night.

10:00pm-3:00am-The general busy time.Good times start rolling. Lots of socializing. No one is very wasted yet at this point.Only about a 20% chance of a fight breaking out.

3:00am-5:00am-The fun starts....Service industry(which I am very happy to see), drunks and people who have gotten kicked out of other bars, people who are too intoxicated to be in public, people looking to buy/sell drugs.This is also the time of night when the girls get fewer and fewer leaving sexually frustrated guys trying to figure out what to do with themselves if there are any females in the bar everyone of these idiots will think they are going home with her. Can't a girl or girls just have a drink without every guy thinking she's looking to go home with one of them. Maybe they just want to relax and enjoy a drink and not have to deal with fending off guys trying to pick them up. (I could get into the pick-up lines but that's a whole different post.) Needless to say this tends to chase the pretty young girls out of the bar which sucks for me.This is also the time of night when there is passing out,puking, pissing, destruction of property, and fighting. Chances of a fight 70%.

5:00am-7:00am-This is a sad time as well..There may be a few service industry stragglers but mostly pathetic guys looking for more drugs or drunk girls to take home or both.Usually extremely coked up or coming down. Hoping that some female is around drunk enough to say yes. Usually a very dead period. The predators usually don't stick around too long once they figure out that it's 6:30 in the morning and they just need to hang it up. Some of them actually think that it might be better at some other bar (but it probably isn't) and leave to go there next.Chance of a fight 40%.


Okay now that I got that out of the way I'd like to talk about the dreaded DAY SHIFT. This is the time of day which just makes me sick to my stomach. Mostly old men(usually not very healthy looking old men) rolling out of bed with the shakes and coming straight to the bar. These guys do it every day. The same shit. I try asking them "why don't you get a hobby or something". It's like I am there watching these guys waiting to die. They wake up and start drinking till they pass out then wake up and do it again. They have nothing in their life except to drink. Mostly beer drinkers with very little or no money.
I feel like a babysitter for the walking dead. Most of them have no friends and are mean old bastards. Sometimes I wish they would just hurry up and die but mostly I wish they would do something fufilling with the little bit of time they have left here on earth. I mean I hope when I am their age I have a hell of a viagra addiction and I am chasing tail at the retirement home. It's frustrating watching these guys who aren't making me any money drinking Milwalkees Best Light and Coors Light. Coughing like they got jello in their lungs.I mean it would be one thing if they were having a good time and socializing and shit. Instead they just sit there looking miserable with their beer.

Alright I just had to get that off my chest...sorry for ramblin on....
Without further ado I bring you:

*****EVIL SHOT OF THE DAY*****


#####SATAN'S REVENGE######
1/3 SHOT TEQUILA
1/3 SHOT JACK DANIELS
1/3 SHOT GOLDSCHLAGER
DASH OF TABASCO

CREATE IN SHOT GLASS...BURN IN HELL!