Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Mardi Gras 2014


******THE STUPIDEST QUESTION AWARD FOR MARDI GRAS 2014******
This guy comes up to the bar in super frantic mode.(Keep in mind I'm 3 deep at the bar and by myself). With a wild look of desperation he asks me "Hey man, you got a hammer?". Of course my reply was no.


+++++++++++++++++Honorable Mentions+++++++++++++++++
"Can I just have an ice water?"
"Four shots of Turkey. Can I get those in snifters?"
"What kind of mixed drinks you got?"
"Can you call me a cab?"
"Do you take credit cards?"(There are at least a dozen CASH ONLY signs plastered everywhere)
"Why aren't you smiling?"
"What should I drink? (and/or) What (would/do you) drink?


I really didn't have to be too mean this Mardi Gras but there were a few times I had to unload, here it goes:

***THE MEANEST THING I SAID TO SOMEONE DURING MARDI GRAS 2014***
"Were you born a cunt or did that happen after your uncle stopped touching you?"


+++++++++++++++++Honorable Mentions+++++++++++++++++
"I don't give a fuck what the sign says,it's eight dollars, I don't have time to negotiate prices with you! Next!"

Also,there was a group of annoying French guys that were not tipping. I was having a really hard time understanding what the fuck they were saying. So here is one conversation the best I can remember:
Him-"Parlay vous vous misa misa Kamal"
Me-"What?"
Him-"Blah Blah french sounding shit...Kamal sigarette"
Me-"I have Camel Blue or Marlboro Reds"
Him-"Something something weewee ze no Kamal"
Me-"Dude, I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH!"
Him-"I am speaking ze good English wiz zoo."
After finally figuring out what kind of cigarette this asshole wants, I turn to a friend of mine who was sitting at the bar next to this guy and say loud enough for the French fucker to hear; "Man, the French really are the niggers of Europe!"
(My apology for the use of the "N-Word" I don't usually use the word but I really felt it was appropriate at the time.)

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